But the most memorable warning I've encountered was at the Centre Pompidou in Paris earlier this year, where a sign announced: ATTENTION! THE WORK OF ART PRESENTED IN THIS ROOM MAY HURT THE PUBLIC'S FEELINGS....

Possibly the translation came out sounding a little less formal than intended, but there's something endearingly personal about the tone here – a suggestion that the big, famous, formidable institution really cares how we feel. And having been grateful to receive this oddly intimate message from the museum, I got to thinking about other public service warnings that considerate art institutions might offer their viewers. In the age of demographics and niche marketing, surely we in the public gallery business should be anticipating and apologising in advance for every minor hurt we can think of.

And so, with the good of the industry in mind, we at the Christchurch Art Gallery have developed some label text to suit those tricky situations where finer sensitivities are threatened and the standard signage just won't do.

 

ATTENTION! THE WORK OF ART PRESENTED IN THIS ROOM MAY BORE YOUNGER VIEWERS. AND OLDER ONES.

ATTENTION! THE WORK OF ART PRESENTED IN THIS ROOM MAY EXPOSE GAPS IN YOUR GENERAL KNOWLEDGE.

ATTENTION! THE WORK OF ART PRESENTED IN THIS ROOM MAY KILL YOUR BUZZ.

ATTENTION! THE WORKS OF ART PRESENTED IN THIS ROOM ARE ACCOMPANIED BY WALL TEXTS THAT MAY OFFEND LITERATE VIEWERS.

ATTENTION! THE WORK OF ART PRESENTED IN THIS ROOM MAY GIVE YOU THAT THING WHERE YOU'RE A BIT SICK IN THE BACK OF YOUR THROAT BUT MANAGE TO KEEP IT DOWN.

ATTENTION! THE WORK OF ART PRESENTED IN THIS ROOM EXPLORES IMPORTANT ISSUES. WE ADVISE DISCRETION.

The best additions to this list – as judged by me and whoever else happens to be in the office, no correspondence entered into, etc. – win a copy of Christine Webster's Provocations. Some content may ... well, win the competition and you'll see.